Sarah had her last prenatal check up yesterday; from here on, it’s all virtual visits until she delivers. She went into the appointment fully masked and geared up in PPE (a couple of weeks ago none of us knew what that even was). She didn’t touch anything. She likes the hospital (Swedish in Issaquah, WA) and sent me a picture on her first visit there. It looks like a mall. She even appreciated the layout of the parking lot.

It’s all good, they say. But hospital restrictions are tight in Seattle so Tyler will be able to enter the hospital one time, when she goes in to give birth, and leave one time. No running home because they forgot something , no visits from the other kids to meet their new sister, none of that.

I talked to Delta Airlines this morning, and put my ticket to Seattle on hold. I waited till the last possible minute, maybe thinking something would change. Originally, I’d been sure to get a changeable ticket in case I had to go earlier. Last week, we had that difficult conversation and decided I shouldn’t go at all.

It is too dangerous to be in Seattle.
I could get sick.
I could land in the hospital.
Flights could be cancelled once I got there.
I could carry some variety of virus into their house, even though I’ve been careful and pretty much home for weeks (a broken foot will do that to you, and anticipating travel, not wanting exposure to ANYTHING.)

And it makes sense.

The kids are ok for a day at home if need be.
There are friends on call to help care for them.
Tyler is working from home – mandatory at least for the month of March.
He can take parental leave.
There can’t be any hospital visits anyway.
Activities are stripped down to bare minimum, so the plan to shuttle kids around would have changed. (Skype music and voice lessons continue. And I think Ava has maintained some level of interaction with horses.)
Homeschool basics are in place.

My foot is still healing so I’d have to travel with a boot.
I’d have to navigate 3 big airports in a wheelchair because I couldn’t hustle to the gates fast enough, especially at the quick connection in Minneapolis.
I’d have to check baggage. I never check baggage. It adds a level of complexity I hate. I’m a simple traveler.

It makes sense. But right now all the “making sense” doesn’t make me feel one ounce better about this whole business. Today, it’s all very hard.